It was a moment of truth. Starting with a lot of fear, but quickly followed by a moment of lightness. A moment of freedom.
I could feel the stress radiating off of me. My body was so tense that I was gripping my coffee cup in the Santa Barbara café to the point my hand started to hurt a little. I was sitting across someone I care about very much. He handed me a pen and piece of paper, and asked me to go down the rabbit hole of all the potential consequences of deciding to keep fighting or to let go of my license. “Write down all your worst fears for both possibilities. Draw it out. Create a flowchart with branches of possible ripple effects until you can’t go any further.”
So I did.
He asked me to tap into my body, my intuition, my highest self. “Notice how you feel as you imagined one scenario playing out. What about if the other happened? Now, how do you feel? Is there tightness in your chest? Or a sense of lightness in your soul? Something else?”
Total disclosure: This feelings-stuff seemed a tad woo-woo for a logic-based person like myself. But ultimately I believe that’s what made it even more incredibly powerful…because I felt it in my body. I knew.
As I stepped out of my head and toward my heart, I received the answer… It was right here the whole time!
As I turned down the volume of my brain and went inward, I experienced a newfound sense of peace and lightness at the thought of letting go. It felt more right than anything….
All along I thought freedom only came from winning this fight. I knew I was in the right. I knew I *should* win. I knew in my heart of hearts that I wasn’t doing anything wrong. And I had two really good attorneys on the case, so I knew I *could* win. But there had been a cost. I was literally in a battle for over 5 years. That’s half a decade’s worth of tension layering and building within my body. I think I had forgotten what it was like to live without that defense system on high alert all the time. That is, until I was in that coffee shop.
When I thought about letting go of my license (for more about why, when and how I surrendered my dietitian license, read here), I suddenly felt a sense of lightness. A strong sense of peace. Like I could exhale, and smile and laugh… and maybe even fly! I felt alive and free in a way I hadn’t for so long…
That was it!!!
Freedom didn’t need to come from winning this fight and keeping my license. In fact, that version of a “victory” would mean I’d still be under the thumb of the “man/big brother” (the board in this case), which is the opposite of freedom!
Freedom is a state of mind, a choice, and in this case—and perhaps many—an act of surrender.
Instead of chasing freedom, instead of fighting for it, I could choose to have it right now by letting go of the very thing I was clinging so tight to. That’s the victory I really wanted.
The moment I recognized that this is available to me without having to “do” anything else, is the moment that everything shifted.
Freedom is letting go of what feels heavy and embracing everything that feels light and makes you feel alive.
Freedom is sharing my truth instead of repressing it with both fists up, fighting. Why fight and fight and fight, when we can have it right now?
Surrendering isn’t easy. Maybe because in many ways it feels like giving up. Maybe it is. But maybe that isn’t a negative thing if it’s giving up the things (or people) that are no longer serving us. If, in return, it gives us what we’ve been after all along…
We are not our past. We are our present and our future and we get to decide what that looks like. In order to make it different and better and everything we dreamed of, we must let go and embrace something new, or we’ll keep getting what we’ve always gotten.
This is the truth that I had to discover. I am not my credentials (or lackthereof), and neither are you. We are not our pasts. We are not our accomplishments. We are not boxed in, no matter who tries to put us into a box. We are actually creating our future selves in every single moment. Every small moment we are redefining.
So often we define our identity by our past, and our mind creates stories about who we are and who we will be based on our past. I’ve seen coaching clients sabotage their amazing potential and exciting opportunities by allowing their past to define them. Their belief of “who they are” is like bubble-wrap – thinking that it’s protecting them, but it’s really keeping them from breaking out towards a breakthrough.
Often times, we hold onto things simply because they are familiar. And all of a sudden, these familiar things (and people) transform into limitations. Limiting beliefs. “Oh, I can’t do that because I’ve never done it before.” “I can’t make that decision because it would change everything.”We just stay where we know because it’s familiar, even if it doesn’t feel right.
What if you didn’t do that anymore? What if you let that all go to be in line with who you really are and who you want to become?
It can be terrifying to move beyond the story your mind has created for you. And there is so much freedom and power on the other side, and I so badly want for you to experience that.
Like weight loss for example…
To lose weight, you must do some things different. Change is necessary. When you let go of your old ways – even though they are familiar and perhaps comfortable– you then become open to your fullest potential and greatest opportunities.
We all want is freedom. Freedom from excess weight. Freedom from anxiety. Freedom from the sugar dragon. Freedom from judgment. Freedom from expectations. Freedom from being stuck. Freedom from doing things we don’t want to do.
Freedom isn’t a destination, but a process. Our coaching clients tell us they feel free in the process BEFORE they reach the destination. BEFORE they lose every last pound and have everything they thought would make them free.
What if you gave it a shot and shed the things, the mindsets, the beliefs, the licenses and titles that have been holding you back, keeping you small? What if you were brave enough to step into the highest version of yourself?
What could that look like?
Who would you be?
Maybe you’d be who you are now. Maybe you’d be someone you’re even MORE excited about. Maybe it gets you excited, or anxious, or questioning everything. I get it. I did that, too. 🙂
And now, I am redefining me, as I stay true to what I believe and what I stand for, and as I’m able to put my focus and energy into all of the things that serve me, and not the things that don’t.
My journey had to do with my license, and maybe yours is your weight, or your self-image, but ultimately it’s the same core issue: our identity.
What limiting beliefs have you been living under? Which ones are you ready to shed, to be more of your true self? What if you just let go…exhaled…released the things that were no longer serving you?
If this is inspiring to you. If you’re ready to let go of that 15 or 5 pounds, if you’re ready to surrender your past dieting mindset and open yourself up to a new way of thinking about weight loss, if you’re ready to turn down the volume of the voices that tell you you should be able to figure this out on your own, and transcend above those to a new level…
Then I invite you to join me in my free step-by-step online training where I give you the blueprint on how to shed pounds and keep them off — for good!
I’ve created this sacred space and curated this journey for you so that you can experience true transformation and shed pounds that come off and STAY off, where it feels free and light and easy and accepting and you can tap into the real YOU.
Cassie I enjoyed reading your story which I know is true I have had lots and lots of problems with anxiety and tension my nerves which that’s all a part of this job that I’m in this even messed with my heart can’t sleep at night my heart sometimes those rapid heartbeats and every time I wake up I’m dreaming about this job I’ve got and these dreams I’m always trying to solve something get something done on time trade this is going to happen afraid that’s going to happen it’s taking a big toll on me I’ve been there 23 years but this is the first time this is going on in the 23 years but this is been going on for like almost a year now I am looking for a way out I need another full-time job with benefits so I can do this sometimes it’s hard to find a job when you’re almost 65 years old or something out there I know the rules and I’m working on it because I know I’ve got to get away from this job that I’m doing now When it started affecting my heart stress attacks anxiety attacks nerves all over my arms and my neck and everything I hurt going fast so it’s your bunch a test just to make sure my heart wasn’t bad which it wasn’t this all because I’m stressed right to the max and the worst of it is when it started affecting my heart stress attacks anxiety attacks nerves all over my arms my neck and everything I hurt going fast so it’s your bunch a test just to make sure my heart wasn’t bad which it wasn’t this all because I’m stressed right to the max and the worst thing about this whole ordeal is the people at work my managers supervisors they don’t care they always try to tell me something else that makes makes me upset and stressed out and everything they don’t wanna hear that it’s that place it’s my job I’m I’ve got way too much on my plate I can’t do it all by myself they don’t give me no help so it’s time for me to Move On. But I have to have a job full-time I need the benefits my husband has all timers so that’s another job I’m trying to handle my son still wants to finish college and he’s trying to work too so I’ve been covering him on my benefits so that he can do what he wants just a couple more years all that he has and they really don’t ask me to do it he said that he could find a different job too and go get benefits but I’m all twisted up inside and I know what I Gotta do I just got a find that job and get out of there and then everything will be fine . My whole family and a ton of people at work my friends they’re all telling me when you need to get out here you know what you Gotta do you just got to get out of here they’re going through a lot of the same thing I am but it’s 20 times worse on me for some reason because managers and supervisors are just piling work on me left and right have me do so much stuff you want me to learn more about the other companies which I’ve already got 15 companies I take care of it here they want me to start learning about the four companies and start replacing people another shift that go on vacations and stuff after 23 years I cannot believe that they would even come to me for that and make me do this but this is what they got planned for me and it stresses me out too long I am not going to different shifts I have a husband with Alzheimer’s he needs me home as soon as I can get home, And all they can say to me is Lynn just go find someway to take care of him so you can do you work that to me is pretty selfish so I know what I have to do. And after I send this to you I’m going and getting dressed up my application brush my teeth comb my hair put my makeup on and I am running to their place and put my application in it may not be the right place and I won’t know until I talk to him but I’ve got to give them a chance and then there’s other jobs that are supposed to be calling me one of them is going to fit me perfect then I will be on the way to recovery thanks to you.Keep writing me keep talking to me and gives me strength to know that there’s other people out there that suffer like I am and what I Gotta do to take care of it I hope somebody takes the time to read what you wrote just like I did because I don’t my eyes to a lot of things to right now I’m gonna say goodbye but not for always and I will watch for you to put another post out and I will read it and maybe I can come in again and let you know how things are going thank you very much Cassie.
wow! Heavy stuff and enlightning too!
I look forward to this journey!
Soemtimes I find it distressing to be constanty around people who can eat and drink whatever they want and stay thin. NOT FAIR! I say. I’ve watached them. Can’t keep up with them.
Walk a whole lot when I can (swollen feet) ride my stationery bike, and stay active for a 77 year old. Yet, the pounds refuse to budge, waitline gets bigger, clothes get tighter and my patience grows thin.
I had a lap band procedure about 10 years ago. Helped me lost 30 pounds. That told me I was eating too much. Still, at 190 pounds, I feel the need and desire to lose another 50 at least. I feel better, lighter, more confident, sexier, etc when I am thinner. Look beetter too!
Spot on Cassie! And congratulations on Your freedom. So happy for you! Freedom.. ha! Everything down to my writing here- defines the bondage I feel. I usually make sure my punctuation, spelling and grammar are on point.. just because that is something that should be right all the time- right? Wrong! It would be nice to express myself without everything in my head telling me I need to be “perfect” what is that!? I went on our boat yesterday with my family. Everyone else went in the water and I stayed on the boat because I have issues with showing any skin because I’m at least 30 lbs “overweight”. I only wear capris during the summer. So sad. All this to say, that you touched me and you are very encouraging. Thank you